mr. popular (AKA once-a-month-bf)

i met mr. popular when i was in university - he was super cool and was the classic "guy's guy."  he dated pretty girls and went to all the pub crawls, fundraisers, and networking events.  he was literally the most popular boy in school - he was funny and interesting and cool, but i was never physically attracted to him.

until we took a 4th year Supply Chain Management class together and bonded during a field trip to the Walmart Distribution Center.  Oh yes, we were that cool.  it was on this trip that i realized that maybe his tall and large frame and cute nerd glasses were actually attractive.  so we hung out a bit, went on some dates, kissed, and talked about our successful careers and the future ahead of us.

then he got an amazing job at a huge blue-chip company in Toronto and moved after he graduated.  it was no big loss to me at the time - i had lots of other boys on the go and mr. popular had physically removed himself from the equation. 

mr. popular and i continued to flirt and talk via the Internets - swapping work stories and sexual adventures.  he helped me through many possible boy disasters and i provided insight into the confusing world that is a lady's brain. 

i finally made the trip down to toronto a few summer's ago to visit him and see if maybe living in TO was something i would enjoy. but it was not a successful trip.  i spent more time meeting all of mr. popular's girl friends and fans then i did hanging out with him. i was devastated - i thought that the trip would make me fall in love with both him and life in Toronto.  but it did the opposite - i left frustrated, mad, and annoyed with Toronto and mr. popular.   

it left a bad taste in my mouth and i vowed never to go back until last year, when he came clean about that fateful trip. he told me that he had been "scared" and that his outlook on life and love was changing.  perhaps i was that one person he was supposed to be with?  i didn't know the answer to that, i said.   but i did know that living in toronto, and being with mr. popular was not an option then.

now, maybe it is.

my new job requires me to be in the big city at least once a month.  mr. popular is usually around. and he makes a nice once-a-month boyfriend. we have dinner together, hold hands, kiss, and have pretty good sexy time.  it's glorious and nice and fancy and so grown-up.

so i just got back from toronto. and this time, it wasn't so great.  i don't know what i'm doing anymore actually.  i get my hopes up for my once-a-month-bf and our adventures - both in the city and in bed.

but this time was weird and a bit different. 
and i can't describe why.
there was nothing unusual or awkward. there was no badness or weirdness.
just a weird feeling inside of me.

i don't think i can do once-a-month-bf anymore - physically or mentally.
just another excuse to stay as far away from toronto as possible.