damn.
my hopes of catching and taming the badboy are over.
dashed. gone. a distant memory.
there have been a few texts, some casual conversation, and a msn conversation here and there - but that does not constitute progress. i asked him out over msn today to see this cool documentary - a film that is playing for only two days downtown. and he told me he has volleyball on both of those nights, sadface, sorry.
no offer of an alternative.
no continuing of the conversation.
i may as well had a phat farm sweatshirt on - he is so not into me.
damn.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
the right kind of wrong.
the words, "oh wow" come to mind as i try to figure out how to explain to you my new found desire for all things bad.
i went on the date with mr. motorcycle, and i was, oh so very, very bad.
we went to a restaurant near his place and enjoyed delish food and a bottle of wine - act of badness the first.
i was driving - why was i agreeing to share a bottle of wine? i had to eventually embark upon a 20 minute drive home - why would i ever think this was ever okay?
i blame the badboy influence.
that and the fact he looked so damn yummy. (but i guess when your last date wore Phat Farm, anything was bound to impress.)
so there i am, drinking my, oh fourth glass of wine, when he brings up the preverbial question, "so, what are we doing after dinner?"
me: "uh, go and get a drink somewhere?"
BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY I SHOULD HAVE MORE BEFORE I GET BEHIND THE WHEEL.
and so materialized act of badness #2.
mr. motorcycle approved of my suggestion and off we went for a drink down the street, but not before he first suggested that we "just go back to his place" to drink. in a suprising act of somewhat intelligence, i quickly poo-poo-ed that idea and directed us over to a bar.
where we proceeded to drink more. (act of badness the third.)
the conversation, by the way, was amazing and natural. he is actually cool and easy to talk to - i liked it. we played 20 questions and i enjoyed all of his answers and questions. i enjoyed it so much that when he asked if i wanted to go to his house and have a drink, i said yes.
that was the ultimate act of badness.
i fought hard (well over 45 minutes) at his house to keep a physical distance between us. until it all went arye and we got naked and had very, very bad sex - but bad in the good way.
whoops.
there was a lot of badass sex that night. so much in fact that i'm still not walking properly. i have bruises, marks, and amazing memories. i left in the morning with a massive headache but a rather dirty smile on my face. he really is that bad...in a good way.
i promised myself i would not contact him first. i had to play it super cool, let him come to me, you know? instead i wound up sending a drunktxt (def'n: a text message sent when you have consumed too much alcohol) to mr. motorcycle. to my surprise he responded quickly and sadly declined my drunken request to come to the bar we were at.
but i didn't stop there.
oh no. no. no. no.
i wrote him back (and i quote WORD FOR WORD) "Ps - i think you anmd me = yes"
liiike, what? who thinks up something like that, let alone says it? and who can't spell the word "and"?
when i read it back to myself in the morning, i was devastated. in one text message, i might have destroyed all my chances i had with mr. motorcycle.
so i attempted damage control and sent him a text message apologizing for the drunken texts. and he wrote back with a "these things happen. have a great Thanksgiving."
!!!!
hmm...bad boy played nice.
and i'm still very much into him.
stay posted.
i went on the date with mr. motorcycle, and i was, oh so very, very bad.
we went to a restaurant near his place and enjoyed delish food and a bottle of wine - act of badness the first.
i was driving - why was i agreeing to share a bottle of wine? i had to eventually embark upon a 20 minute drive home - why would i ever think this was ever okay?
i blame the badboy influence.
that and the fact he looked so damn yummy. (but i guess when your last date wore Phat Farm, anything was bound to impress.)
so there i am, drinking my, oh fourth glass of wine, when he brings up the preverbial question, "so, what are we doing after dinner?"
me: "uh, go and get a drink somewhere?"
BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY I SHOULD HAVE MORE BEFORE I GET BEHIND THE WHEEL.
and so materialized act of badness #2.
mr. motorcycle approved of my suggestion and off we went for a drink down the street, but not before he first suggested that we "just go back to his place" to drink. in a suprising act of somewhat intelligence, i quickly poo-poo-ed that idea and directed us over to a bar.
where we proceeded to drink more. (act of badness the third.)
the conversation, by the way, was amazing and natural. he is actually cool and easy to talk to - i liked it. we played 20 questions and i enjoyed all of his answers and questions. i enjoyed it so much that when he asked if i wanted to go to his house and have a drink, i said yes.
that was the ultimate act of badness.
i fought hard (well over 45 minutes) at his house to keep a physical distance between us. until it all went arye and we got naked and had very, very bad sex - but bad in the good way.
whoops.
there was a lot of badass sex that night. so much in fact that i'm still not walking properly. i have bruises, marks, and amazing memories. i left in the morning with a massive headache but a rather dirty smile on my face. he really is that bad...in a good way.
i promised myself i would not contact him first. i had to play it super cool, let him come to me, you know? instead i wound up sending a drunktxt (def'n: a text message sent when you have consumed too much alcohol) to mr. motorcycle. to my surprise he responded quickly and sadly declined my drunken request to come to the bar we were at.
but i didn't stop there.
oh no. no. no. no.
i wrote him back (and i quote WORD FOR WORD) "Ps - i think you anmd me = yes"
liiike, what? who thinks up something like that, let alone says it? and who can't spell the word "and"?
when i read it back to myself in the morning, i was devastated. in one text message, i might have destroyed all my chances i had with mr. motorcycle.
so i attempted damage control and sent him a text message apologizing for the drunken texts. and he wrote back with a "these things happen. have a great Thanksgiving."
!!!!
hmm...bad boy played nice.
and i'm still very much into him.
stay posted.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
the one with a motorcycle
when i was a little girl, my mother told me a story that made me forever terrified of anything to do with motorcycles. i will spare you the gruesome details of a story involving an accident, a motorcycle, and a paramedic (my mom's cousin) - but it was terrible and incredibly impressionable.
so, i grew up with the forced understanding that motorcycles were bad.
in fact, it was also the people who drove motorcycles, she said, who were bad - i believe my mother even once when so far as to comment, "boys who drive motorcycles have loose morals."
i have never been remotely interested in anything to do with motorcycles until i accidently stumbled upon a cute boy who works in my building. and he just so happens to own a motorcycle.
he is bad.
and not just because he owns a motorcycle - he has this whole badass mantra that i can't put a finger on. and i like it. he is funny, sometimes crude, and calls it like it is. he is refreshing and provides an excellent distraction during my day. but he owns a motorycle, and that is bad.
but i'm beginning to think that bad is the new good.
he has offered to take me on my first motorcycle ride too many times to recall and i have turned him down each time. his reactions to my fear have been both hilarious and understandable. and i like his teasing - it's bad and good all at the same time.
and now The One With a Motorcycle has asked me out for dinner on Friday.
and i said yes, on the condition that we travel in a vehicle that has doors and windows.
but this brings me to the question - why? why am i going for a badass again? why am i wasting my time with a boy who is often rude but shows signs of goodness? i sometimes think it's because i see a glimmer of good AND the fact that i am drawn to situations where i like the boy more than he likes me.
i like the chase. i like the butterflies. i like the unknowns and it appeals to me in ways that i can't explain. my fear of motorcyles is deeply rooted - they are scary and bad, it gives me butterflies just looking at one. but in a weird way, i think i am drawn to them and attracted to their power.
almost like the feeling i get with a bad boy.
and now i have found a bad boy WITH a motorcycle.
...this should be interesting.
so, i grew up with the forced understanding that motorcycles were bad.
in fact, it was also the people who drove motorcycles, she said, who were bad - i believe my mother even once when so far as to comment, "boys who drive motorcycles have loose morals."
i have never been remotely interested in anything to do with motorcycles until i accidently stumbled upon a cute boy who works in my building. and he just so happens to own a motorcycle.
he is bad.
and not just because he owns a motorcycle - he has this whole badass mantra that i can't put a finger on. and i like it. he is funny, sometimes crude, and calls it like it is. he is refreshing and provides an excellent distraction during my day. but he owns a motorycle, and that is bad.
but i'm beginning to think that bad is the new good.
he has offered to take me on my first motorcycle ride too many times to recall and i have turned him down each time. his reactions to my fear have been both hilarious and understandable. and i like his teasing - it's bad and good all at the same time.
and now The One With a Motorcycle has asked me out for dinner on Friday.
and i said yes, on the condition that we travel in a vehicle that has doors and windows.
but this brings me to the question - why? why am i going for a badass again? why am i wasting my time with a boy who is often rude but shows signs of goodness? i sometimes think it's because i see a glimmer of good AND the fact that i am drawn to situations where i like the boy more than he likes me.
i like the chase. i like the butterflies. i like the unknowns and it appeals to me in ways that i can't explain. my fear of motorcyles is deeply rooted - they are scary and bad, it gives me butterflies just looking at one. but in a weird way, i think i am drawn to them and attracted to their power.
almost like the feeling i get with a bad boy.
and now i have found a bad boy WITH a motorcycle.
...this should be interesting.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
when nice just doesn't cut it.
so i gave it a shot with That Nice Guy.
annnd it was a complete bust.
i must preface my disappointment with the explanation that i tried really hard to open myself to the possibility that maybe it was time for me to choose nice over unavailable. that it was my chance to break my bad dating habits and embrace the comfortness that is That Nice Guy.
so i said yes to a movie date. and this time, i didn't make up a lame excuse to ditch him and i only changed the place and date once. i swear. so off i went on a date that i hoped would forever change my fucked up status-quo.
but i couldn't get past his wardrobe.
don't even get me started. phat farm at 25? he may as well been dressed in seasame street attire. it was absolutely ridiculous and i had no idea how to act.
he tried several times to put his hand on my thigh during the movie and i caught him every few minutes, looking over at me with this weirdo look that suggested he might kiss me. it was during the movie that i realized i am so not into him. That Nice Guy is simply that, nice. He is not anything close to what i crave and desire in a significant other. i want passion and laughter and awesomeness and unrelenting desire. and That Nice Guy does not arouse any of those feelings.
so after this realization (and the movie), i practically ran to my car (yes, my car, SINCE HE DOES NOT OWN ONE) and chauffered That Nice Guy home, with the realization that our relationship would end in exactly the same place it began - in the rain, in his driveway, in awkward silence.
annnd it was a complete bust.
i must preface my disappointment with the explanation that i tried really hard to open myself to the possibility that maybe it was time for me to choose nice over unavailable. that it was my chance to break my bad dating habits and embrace the comfortness that is That Nice Guy.
so i said yes to a movie date. and this time, i didn't make up a lame excuse to ditch him and i only changed the place and date once. i swear. so off i went on a date that i hoped would forever change my fucked up status-quo.
but i couldn't get past his wardrobe.
don't even get me started. phat farm at 25? he may as well been dressed in seasame street attire. it was absolutely ridiculous and i had no idea how to act.
he tried several times to put his hand on my thigh during the movie and i caught him every few minutes, looking over at me with this weirdo look that suggested he might kiss me. it was during the movie that i realized i am so not into him. That Nice Guy is simply that, nice. He is not anything close to what i crave and desire in a significant other. i want passion and laughter and awesomeness and unrelenting desire. and That Nice Guy does not arouse any of those feelings.
so after this realization (and the movie), i practically ran to my car (yes, my car, SINCE HE DOES NOT OWN ONE) and chauffered That Nice Guy home, with the realization that our relationship would end in exactly the same place it began - in the rain, in his driveway, in awkward silence.
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