platonic passion.

i find it a frustrating concept that guys and girls can be friends. i'm not saying it is impossible, i'm just saying that it is rare.  

i think it is unnatural that a platonic relationship can exist between men and women beyond kindergarten and grade school.  (and even those friendships forged in our early years often end up in messy drunken "i have always loved you" confessions). 


i have never dated a guy who had "really good" girl friends but i don't think i would ever be comfortable with it.  call me jaded, but i believe that having relations with a member of the opposite sex will lead to just that, sex.  


boys and girls cannot be friends.


or so i keep telling myself.  because i cannot get Mr. Grammar out of my head.  Who is Mr. G, you ask?  I met Mr. G through my last job and I became good friends with him and his gf. in fact, The One That Looked Like Jesus and I went out on several double dates with them.  The boys were even good friends - they still are.


So fast forward - The One That Looked Like Jesus and I break up. Mr. G stays friends with both of us. Mr. G makes major efforts to keep our friendship going. he still does.  he likes my company, i like his.  it is easy and natural and amazing.  


we like words and reading.  scrabble gets us excited. we talk about nothing and everything and there is a comfortable comfort that i just can't exactly explain.  but it is effortless and stimulating and amazing.  


and i am so in love with him.
and he has a girlfriend.


my issue is this: we met in our mid 20s. we were co-workers for a year. and now, after a break up and a lay-off, we still make a significant effort to hang out and see each other.
he calls me "just to talk" and we make dinner for each other. alone. sans gf.



inappropriate for "just friends"?
i don't know. 


up until now, i have pushed the platonic-ness of our relationship in an effort to ensure Mr. G stays in my life. i'm scared if he knew how much i cared about him, he might run away or become awkward. but then i think that maybe he cares about me too.


he called me tonight just to say "hi" and that he was "thinking about me".  Would you want your boyfriend doing that to another girl?  i think not.  

so i think now it has gotten to a point where i must say something.
turn my platonic-ness into a passion and speak up for my feelings.


sometimes in life we need to take a chance and take the plunge.

here's to my platonic passion plunge.